Lost Souls & Midian
Death in a Living Game World
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Archive 4z 378e9bf33f Undead LoreA First of all I would like to positively acknowledge all of the e-mails that I have received concerning the topic of vampirism in the Midian game. Thank all of you for your ideas and support. However, you secretive bastards could post to this forum every once in a while. Speak up, be bold, and let your opinions be known. Secondly, I would like to cover some of what we are pondering for the lords of Undeath in the Midian game. Blood purity Rather than have a 'typical' vampire, a simple master/child set, or a 'generation' style, we will be utilising a system where the purity of a vampire's blood is expressed as a percentage. This allows for very powerful vampires as well as quite weak ones. This should allow for the best combination of player and opponent vampires. In addition, this allows for an additional way for vampires to become more powerful, instead of making them quite powerful in the beginning. This also creates a way to add a form of vampiric society to the game, by separating those with greater from lesser purity. Vampiric abilities We will include two types of vampire abilities, 'gifts' and 'flaws' (similar to traits), and vampire-only mystic skills. Any vampire may learn the skill set, but we are still undecided on gaining & losing gifts & flaws. Creation The creation, or rebirth, of a vampire will be a deliberate act. Rather than "everyone who dies/survives/is bitten will turn into a vampire," or a percentage chance from any of these, we would rather have it that a vampire must give his or her blood to any prospective childer. We are working on a system for the creation rules that includes such factors as: the creators age and power, the blood purity of the sire (obviously), how many the sire created before--as well as the duration between childer, and the care with which the creating vampire took for the newly created Undead. This system will allow for powerful player Undead--having the support and care of their creators, as well as allowing one to unleash a horde of vampires in a relatively short amount of time--these 'cannon-fodder' vampires are created quickly and are easily destroyed. Sunlight Shockingly absent from the e-mails we have received, perhaps because no one wanted to even think about it, was the question of how sunlight should affect vampires. We have a simple system in the works that compares the intensity of the sunlight to the area of flesh exposed to determine the damage done. This will allow older &/or more powerful Undead to walk about in the day with only mild discomfort while still allowing sunlight to be a sure way of destroying the Undead. We are also compiling superstitions and stories about vampires to throw into the mix. The net result should please you. Any comments to this that you may have, or other ideas about what to include or not include, post them here. { 2a725476e0 --Liam <Admin note: this is the first play by post game hosted by Liam before the City of Argent one. So that give you a little more of a timeline. Only reason this one is higher up is because in the transfer of messages I found it later and did not want to have to redo everything. -Ceekay-> | 0232fd488a Setting: City of Argent a coastal city in North-eastern Formour Theme: Hard work and perseverence brings reward Characters: Any; no additional restrictions Background: Members of 'The Way of The Blade' Guild; unknown marauders are attacking travelers outside the city; home base is Patron's manse Supporting Cast: Guild Patron--Rufus, founding member of the guild; Azrael--guild syndic; Jenz--Captain-of-the-guard, Gaijin; Count De Lorac--local Lord Goals: Stop marauders; uncover the true power behind them; build up the guild; develop the city-setting Resources: Website about the City of Argent & The Way of The Blade Guild comming soonmarauders I hope to have the new site done soon (I'll post here when it's finished). Any one may post their characters there. This is an open Play-By-Post game; anyone can put their comments, or character interactions here. } 1966e976f3 ~ c450903c3b a16ea728ce 3825df417a c76c7b040c 9c0ebad01c 347bee156b "Greetings and well met; all travelers. Welcome to my home and the Guild. You are all welcome here. I have plenty of room for you, and a well-stocked larder. Our chef is the best within this Barony. All Guild members may stay as long as they like. Lady Auriel, Brand, Daedalus, D'Artagnan, enter freely and be welcome here." "As you may be aware, mauraders are causing some measure of difficulty towards those that traverse these lands. As a man of some means, with a vested financial interest in the community, I can recompense you for your efforts in dispatching these ruffians. I also have suitable contacts that can take captured weapons and other goods off of your hands." f427d2656f Let's make this official. I'm moving the game there. 4d80739988 de4e4cdd7b ---By Stephen Dinan THE WASHINGTON TIMES Yes, we are the enemy. Resistance is futile. 0cc92e131e e0c0385de9 This is a fairly large listing of jobs and titles, with emphasis on England and her colonies in the 16th and 17th centuries. There are good links to other listings in many of the definitions. k 272e5c695e The first focuses on the Farreaches and its inhabitants: Lycanthropes and Hobgoblins. This will be a shorter work (how much can you write about the bitter nothingness of the Farreaches), and will detail Lycanthropic society and culture; Hobgoblin information from all across Midian--including more history on their Olde Empire; and a few surprises lurking in the north. The second supplement is all about the Undead, and those that use and abuse them. Included are the rules for Vampires, necromancy, and the animated dead. There will not be much (if any) geographical/world information, but there will be a wealth of detail for player characters and their opponents. ff9b8eb798 d393fce943 What was the largest nation in Midian history? What race is immortal? Name one unique feature of Formour's geography. What two species are inherently psychic? What is the only skill that every character posesses? What is the name of the region north of the Elven Homeland and west of the Heldannic Freeholds? Name three mystic skills based off of real-world occultic beliefs. What event was considered by the Elves to herald the arrival of Humans? How many 'Laws of Magic' are there? What term for a type of wizard could alternately be applied to someone with no mystic abilities whatsoever? In the example of combat in the 'Hunting and Escaping" chapter, who was the biggest jerk? What game rule limits the number of spells (or other mystic abilities) per day that a wizard may use? What classes have modifiers to reputation? Name one trait that is on neither the random table nor the player's choice list. Name one background that is on neither the random table nor the player's choice list. What level do you need to be to start learning new skills? What are the benefits (other than class-related) for advancement to 2nd level? What is the highest possible experience point award? What are the two highest for? What is the lowest possible award & what is it for? What is the typical cost for training, in guilder? / d8e298a36d*Character death and replacement characters The question has been asked about starting characters at an advanced level; specifically in the case where a high-level character has died. The nature of character advancement in Midian makes creating a starting character with greater experience somewhat problematic. If a player simply wants to have a character that isn't fresh from the farm, he or she could have backgrounds that reflect a greater degree of worldliness. Some of these backgrounds are: Experienced, Exposure to Technomancy, Familiar with Area, or quite a few others. Creating a character of greater than first level is more difficult. As a personal choice, I start new characters at first level/starting characters, regardless of which game system being played. Whether or not to start new (or replacement) characters at an advanced level is up to each Game Master's individual discretion. The variable nature of skills, traits, and other character features of the Midian engine complicate creating a character at, for example, 5th level. There are no 'hard and fast' rules for how many skills an experienced character should have or what those skill levels should be, due to the non-delineated nature of character growth. One possible way to deal with this issue is for an existing secondary or non-player character to become the replacement for the player. An example of this is if the player's knight is slain in combat, he or she could then play the character's squire. This secondary character would likely have some rated skills and abilities, but not all. In this example, the player would gain the levels and advantages of the squire instead of starting fresh with a new 1st level character. This method also has the advantage that the new character already has a place in the storyline. Another advantage is that this method rewards players for further fleshing-out their secondary characters. In this example, a good way to handle the transfer from dead knight to squire replacement, would be to first list all of the skills, attributes, traits, and backgrounds known (already fleshed-out) of the squire--if there are any. Next separate out those traits, skills, etc, that were gained in play; those that were not gained from experience form a sort of template for the new character. The third step would be to create the squire just as you would a new character, but using the template from the previous step. Lastly, you would add in the effects of experience, new skills, additional hit points, etc. Continuing the example: the squire would have whatever skills that would be needed for that occupation, and any others that had been specifically referenced during play. When creating the 'new' squire, create him or her as a new character, but spend skill points on those skills that the character is already known to possess. Additional skill points may be spent however the player desires, following this up with those skills gained in play by the squire. Treat backgrounds, traits, and other characteristics similarly. This is perhaps the best method for replacing a slain character--other than simply starting over. You have the advantage of a higher than first level character, but one that still has earned his or her (or its) experience rather than the points simply being handed out. This replacement method encourages players to add detail to their hirelings, contacts, and secondary characters. It also encourages them to support their contacts, et al, through training or other methods. A player can create a legacy of sorts by playing his or her protege or children. In addition to the old stand-by of "I leave my coolest magic items to my new best friend (whom I've never mentioned before);" as a type of post-mortem will and testament; players are rewarded for building up the non-player characters. 982d44aa26 ß 3bb999f793"...and to the republicans, for which they scam..." I don't disagree on the merits that a child reciting something without understanding has no meaning ("people are sheep"), or that the pledge references the concepts of religion. I disagree on the merits of the argument, itself, that such a pledge is unconstitutional. As a quick aside, the phrase "under God" was a later addition to the 'Pledge of Allegiance.' The first ammendment to the U.S. constitution states: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech... The PoA in no way establishes a religion. That is, it does not create a new religion, nor mandate that American citizens support a religion. Thus, the establishment clause--the basis of the judicial decision--does not apply here. The pledge in question also prohibits neither free exercise of religion, nor free speech. In fact, for congress to pass a law banning such, that law would violate those clauses of the ammendment. Indeed using the first ammendment as a basis for removing the phrase "under God" is itself, unconstitutional. The "separation of church and state" is often misunderstood. The phrase itself comes from 1947, in the case Everson v. Board of Education, the Supreme Court declared: The First Amendment has erected a wall between church and state. That wall must be kept high and impregnable. We could not approve the slightest breach. This, in turn is derived from a letter from Thomas Jefferson to the Danbury Baptist Association, where he writes: Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God; that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship; that the legislative powers of government reach actions only and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church and State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore to man all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties. Being a polititian, Jefferson was as wordy as I. Bear in mind that this statement is from a man who was often accused of being athiest, and seemed to have a mild dislike of Christianity. Whether he was devout in his own way, or was in fact athies, is immaterial. Jefferson was quite aware of the social realities prohibiting government from favouring one religion over another. The supreme court had a few things to add on this issue over the years. In Reynolds v. United States, 1878: Coming as this does from an acknowledged leader of the advocates of the measure, it [Jefferson's letter] may be accepted almost as an authoritative declaration of the scope and effect of the Amendment thus secured. Congress was deprived of all legislative power over mere [religious] opinion, but was left free to reach actions which were in violation of social duties or subversive of good order. and summarized Jefferson's intent for "separation of church and state" as: The rightful purposes of civil government are for its officers to interfere when principles break out into overt acts against peace and good order. In th[is] . . . is found the true distinction between what properly belongs to the church and what to the State. In 1952 the supreme court added: The first amendment, however, does not say that in every and all respects there shall be separation of church and state, otherwise the state and religion would be alien to each other, hostile, suspicious, and even unfriendly ... We are a religious people whose institutions presuppose the existence of a Supreme Being ... We find no Constitutional requirement which makes the government hostile to religion or throw its weight against the efforts to widen its scope or influence. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart: Metaphors like the wall of separation, a phrase nowhere to be found in the Constitution. U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Renquist: the wall of separation between church and state is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor useless as to guide judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned. Other supreme court examples: "If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion, or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein." -- Robert H. Jackson, West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette, 319 U.S. 624, 1943 "The "establishment of religion" clause of the First Amendment means at least this: neither a state nor the Federal Government can set up a church. Neither can pass laws which aid one religion, aid all religions, or prefer one religion over another. Neither can force nor influence a person to go to or remain away from church against his will or force him to profess a belief or disbelief in any religion." "No tax in any amount, large or small, can be levied to support any religious activities or institutions, whatever they may be called, or whatever form they may adopt to teach or practice religion." The courts have supported (such as in Commonwealth v. Nesbit and Lindenmuller v. The People) that the government does have authority over a person's--or church's--actions if those acts are against other criminal or civil laws. For example, if your religious beliefs include human sacrifice, you may still be tried for murder if you attempt to knife a virgin on the altar. Jefferson also stated that the power to proscribe laws concerning--or even in favour of--religious beliefs "must rest with the states" (his words). His stated opinion was that the federal government should stay out of all things religious should not apply to the smaller scale. This is something that the federal government has chosen to ignore. This is quite ironic when you consider: [list:3bb999f793]1. This is contrary to the stated beliefs of one from whom (in a personal, private letter no less) they claim to derive their policy. 2. Jefferson was not one of the 90 who framed the first ammendment. 3. As found in the 'Congressional Records' from June 7 to September 25, 1789--which chronicled the debates and discussions of the "founding fathers," not one of those ninety Framers ever mentioned the phrase "separation of church and state." It seems logical that if this had been the intent for the First Amendment-as is so frequently asserted-then at least one of those ninety who framed the amendment would have mentioned that phrase; none did.[/list:u:3bb999f793] The "separation of church and state" phrase so often used today was not only not mentioned by the original constitutional framers, but neither was it mentioned in court cases on the first ammendment for quite some time after. Jefferson, as well as those other framers, seemed to hold an opinion that is completely opposed to what the phrase means today.[/list] dbace86766 Telekinesisv When using this skill directly on a living organism, they are entitled to a saving throw vs. physical magic against the TK wielder's Willpower. When using telekinesis for weaponry--either thrown or wielded in melee--use the appropriate weapon skill or the telekinesis skill, whichever is LOWER. If you do not know how to effectively use a weapon, but are a competent psi, you are limited by your weapon skill. Conversely, if you are good with a given weapon, but have little telekinetic skill, you are limited by your psychic gift. When using telekinesis to augment your physical abilities--such as lifting--use the total weight that you may affect. For lifting, this is a straight addition to your normal Strength lifting amount. The damage done by telekinesis, compare the amount that you can lift with the Strength chart. Find the nearest Strength score that can lift (normal lift) that can lift that weight; round DOWN. Treat that as an attack from someone with that Strength score. Whether it is a hand-to-hand, thrown, or melee attack--depending on how the TK is utilized--will determine the base damage. Remember that if you 'telekinetic punch' someone, they get a saving throw against your attack. For example, someone with Telekinesis IX skill can lift 16 pounds, if he throws a rock at someone using his psychic skill, the damage is equal to someone with a 4 Strength. A Strength score of 4 can lift up to 15 pounds, round the 16 pounds that the telekinesis skill can lift (16) to the closest Strength score, in this case, a 4. Thus the total damage done by that rock is 1+ 1/2 of the Strength bonus (in this case a -4 penalty) for a total of -1 points of damage--effectively no points of damage; not to terribly threatening, really. d759f31ac2 1-hand: smaller & easier to conceal and port; you can use two hands on these weapons by placing your other hand on the pommel, or by wrapping the second hand over the first; maximum bonus for using both hands is an additional +2 to your normal Strength bonus; example: dagger 1-hand exclusive: these weapons can only be used with a single hand; you cannot get the benefit of the two-handed attack bonus; example: brass knuckles hand-& a-half: may be used with either one or two hands; using both hands on a weapon adds one-fourth of your Strength score to your normal damage bonus for high Strength; example: claymore two-hands: these weapons need to be used with two hands in order to be used effectively; these weapons may be used in one hand if the effective encumbrance is light or none, otherwise a -2 attack penalty applies (the Game Master may assign greater penalties, or disallow one-hand use altogether); example: zweihander sword hafted: these weapons have a short pole as a handle; they are otherwise similar to hand-&-a-half weapons; example: axe pole: typically polearms, these are weapons that have a staff as their base; they are otherwise similar to two-hand weapons; examples: staff or greataxe loop: an addendum to the other handle types; this allows the weapon to be attached to the wrist for easy recovery if the weapon is lost (takes one action instead of having to play 'go-fish') 048af856f9 Remember that you need to know exactly where to 'aim your mind' for the effect to take hold. Being able to see your target definately counts, but pulling something out of your rucksack or attacking someone standing behind a curtain--situations where you know EXACTLY where the target is--also are valid. 079d7d12f5 Remember that the maximum system shock roll (at least due to high stamina) is 100%, and the check is reduced by 5% for each point of damage below zero. Additionally, when someone is reduced to 0 or lower life points, he or she cannot regain any hit points until the life points are at least back up to half strength. Being so close to death is a traumatic experience on the body & causes terrible strain. The Game Master is free to inflict: opportunistic infections, crippling injuries, permanent scars, chronic or recurring pain, or any other indicator that almost dying is not very pleasant. 9c564b9155 New forums Well here are the new forums, what do you think? If they are a little slow please forgive me, my home pc does the best it can running a website; 2 forums; and Everquest when my wife plays it. If you have any problems email me at ceekay@lost-souls.every1.net. If the forums are down that means either my cable modem is down or my power is off for over 15 minutes (I bought an uninterrupted power source to relieve the worry of power loss while at work.) If it is down give it time it will be back on, someone is always at my house (I am currently trying to train my cats to reboot my pc and start the site up, no luck so far...DAMN STUPID CATS.) I also have avatars saved on my pc to use them, once you sign up go to your profile and scroll to the bottom and click the gallery button from there pick one and click submit and you are done. You can also link to your own or put one in the forums memory. I am still figuring it all out so give me time. Here is a poll for everyone please tell me what you think. 4ee388e704 Show us your evil face, Debbie 0 594fe66955 I have yet to come across any problems. One thing to try which may have done is to use the login link up top and check the box that says automatically log me on each time or some b.s. like that. More than likely it could also be the cookie settings on your machine. How are you connected to the internet is it dial-up or dsl/cable/T1? If it is on dial-up like msn or aol, I would suggest using internet explorer to pull up the site instead of the aol browser. Or you could just go into aol's settings and make sure it allows all cookies, not sure how to go about that on there anymore. If you are using aol or msn and want to use IE to pull up the page what you need to do is go to your desktop and you should have an internet explorer icon. Right click on it and go to properties, it should bring up a box with a crap load of tabs at the top. The tab you want is the security tab. Once you have that tab up click on the button at the bottom that says custom level. Once inside the next box scroll down till you see the little buttons where it says cookies. Make sure the one that says Allow cookies that are stored on your computer is enabled, and the one that says Allow per-session cookies (not stored) is also enabled. If you can't get that box up by right clicking on the IE icon (the big blue E if you are a charter customer) then open internet explorer (you don't need to be connected to the internet) click on tools and then internet options and follow the rest of the directions above. Let me know if that works or not. ¡ eb8e909aad+A linux rant from my EQ guild message board This is why I made the Rant section for dumb shiot like this hehe. Well here is my new beef. I am sick of these dumb bastards that are switching over to linux cause they think it is cool and it makes them leet haxors and ubah. These fuxtardz don't even know what linux is for. They sit here and they tell me everyday how linux is going to take the place of windows and no matter what I say they start ranting like juvenilles that just learned how to program in HTML and think they know everything. So for those of you that have no idea what linux is I will try to explain it and I am sure Angeliqe will correct me or add more later. Linux is an operating system that is open source. What open source means is that anyone can get to the code that runs the OS and change it. Anyone that knows programming can go in and make new apps and new versions of linux to distribute freely. I must admit though I do not use it, but my wife Angeliqe does and I have learned a bit from her. I know that it is mainly an OS for programmers because it gives them a more stable system to program on and they can even mess with the source code to try and help them learn more and give them more functionality. It is a very stable system because other programmers have gone through the code, fixed the bugs and then put out their reworked version as a distribution. It could be used as a very stable networking OS but I feel Unix has a bit more security since anyone can get a copy of linux learn how to use it and mess with the source on the network server. The only thing linux can't do is be used as a gaming system which is bad for all us EQ players. (Editor note: Yes I know about X windows so shut your mouth.) Ok now with that all said and done here comes the rants. What I am sick of are some of the people I work with who night after night sit here and rant about linux only because they have it and they think it makes them part of the rebellion against microsoft. Yes, microsoft is a huge corporation, and yes most people that have a PC have microsoft products. But hell let's face it, it works and even though it can be buggy we can still do a lot with it. But they sit here all the time and say how linux is an ubah OS and that one day it is going to put microsoft out of business and that every program made for linux is superior to every micrsoft program out there. Just because the fuxtardz figured out how to install linux on their system and figured out how to set it up so it doesn't crash on them they think they are ubah programmers. Fuckin christ my wife is a programmer and she doesn't sit here and rant about linux all the time, yes she likes it but she doesn't put down everything else. They sit here and try to talk over my head by talking about linux and they think I don't understand cause I am not linux leet. Well you know what you snotheads, you aren't talking over my head cause I have sat and listened to my wife drone on about programming and linux enough that it started to sink in! Now the one fuxtard is saying how there is a version of linux that can turn a pc into a router and it's better than any router out there. Hmm I see a problem with that. Basically let's say you have it running on a P2 system so now you just made your 800 dollar pc into an expensive router. The funny thing is is that that is all that version of linux does is act as a router. It can't do anything else you Fuxtard!!! Another one of their favorite rantings is about Gimp which is the linux version of Adobe photoshop. I must admit that for a free program Gimp is decent, but Photoshop is much easier, less confusing, and has more features. But these re-re's think that it is much more ubah than anything for windows. But let's think about this. The name of the program is Gimp it automatically makes me think of a bunch of re-re's sitting in a room working on a linux OS and they made a paint program and decided to name it after their friend petey who has one leg and is nicknamed "Gimp." By naming it Gimp it turns me off to using the program. Well I am running out of steam here. Oh and to all those fuxtardz that think linux will replace windows, KEEP DREAMING RE-RE!!! Windows is too widely used and there are more programs compatible with it then there will ever be for linux so go hump you computer case you non-leet, non-ubah fuxtardz!! And here is an good response from one of my guildmates: I wrote quite a large piece on why it does not make sense to compare Linux and Microsoft windows OS and my grievances against Microsoft. Lost it all when Windows Millenium locked up and i had to do a hard re-boot.. Enough said really :O) Ps.. if the systems/software i designed/wrote and released to our clients was of the same standard of reliability has Microsofts.. i would be fired.. ¢ 0cf1e32707 Idiot rant Here is a rant from my EQ message board I think everyone can somewhat relate to: I am sure everyone in the game has one pet peeve about EQ that drives them up the wall. Well mine is more of a pet peeve outside the game. I am sure you all know some ppl in real life that play EQ, well I work in a tech support call center that is filled with EQ playing geeks. Now that I have no problem with cause it gives me something to talk about with other human beings. But what I can't stand is that one person who has been playing EQ for a small amount of time and swears up and down that he knows absolutley everything there is to know, and they persistently read out loud things that THEY think are funny on msg boards and such. Which the interesting thing is that everything they read they think is funny or interesting and they HAVE to share it with you even though you show no interest at all. But yet they keep going on and on and on. And then the one time you try to give them the correct info because they keep saying something that is absolutely wrong (i.e. Clerics are the best solo class in the game) they insist they are right and you are wrong. So out of curiosity you ask how long they have been playing and they say a month and a half and at that point I turn around shake my head and log off the phone to go smoke. Why must the world be full of these idiots. I am so tempted to round them up into a small metal room and send voltage through the floor. Why god why? What did I do that these morons must speak to me on a regular basis even though they don't even know I play EQ. Plz tell me I am not the only person suffering from this horrid fate lat me know I am not the only one. £ c72f2332a7 Mountain time You reach the base of the mountains, amazingly it was not as far as it seemed. As you start to head up you notice what seems to be a trail that others have used to travel. You remember hearing about a town in the mountains from the dwarven explorers in your town. u 07460bb4d4 ¥ 9b265042f0 [i:9b265042f0][b:9b265042f0]I liked gator you jackasses! I loved when gator would automatically download to my pc. In fact Bonzi buddy is my best fucking friend! And now I actually have to surf to their sites to get it on every pc at work! Fuck shit damn!! Just for this when you fall asleep tonight I am going to go to your goddamn cubicle and chop off your balls and shove them in your mouth!! Then I am going to take your dick and sew it into your ass!! And then just for the hell of it when you start mumbling cause you can't talk because your nuts are in your mouth, I am going to slit your throat to silence you. I hope you all [u:9b265042f0]DIE[/u:9b265042f0]!!!![/b:9b265042f0][/i:9b265042f0] Š 65d6413c4e dd9c9ef492 Goth Poetry# "The darkest darkness of the dark." š fb9b2c52e0 © 9f761d1e10 Cannon to the left of them Cannon in front of them... ...Boldly they rode-- and well into the jaws of death, into the mouth of Hell ---Alfred Lord Tennyson[/i:9f761d1e10] aa52e33d1f Who asked his wife to suck it, So she went down on him, And he got a big grin, Then she bit it off and said oops shit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There once was a man in a canoe, Who fell asleep cause he had nothing to do, He dreamed of a Venus, While stroking his penis, And woke up in a puddle of goo. Not neccisarily haiku, but hey I like it. K « abc68d100e ¬ 5cb6411f47 Druin pulls out his axe and rests it against his shoulder as he heads up the mountain path. 3a9ae94fda The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. Shooting is not too good for my enemies. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No." After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know." When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.) If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical." If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button." I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.) If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access. ¯ c1d86b98ed a762067c3b Links work+ You could have just posted the damned link. ± 4f23f8ba42 CataphilesG Oh joy, oh rapture. Crawling thorough the sewers. Oh joy, oh rapture. ² 55ac06139f Mountain Town ³ 807830f13c [color=darkblue:807830f13c]After acquiring the Hephaestus Eye from Vrid, in exchange for securing his freedom from the Formourian military incarceration, I sold said object to an adventuring band for a heafty profit. In additon to the cost of the Eye itself, they were charged a finder's fee, transaction fee, confidentiality fee (to avoid my reporting this sale as taxable earnings), and overhead cost overruns. It was a pleasure doing business with them. They were glad to have the Hephaestus Eye at any cost. They seemed eager to finish the sale and be on their way to the Byzant Empire to search for similar Hephaestus relics. I was able to further assist them by arranging transportation, needed supplies, and information on where they may best begin their search. I advised them on what city to begin looking, and connected them with people who may be better informed as to more current whereabouts of the relics in question. All for a price, of course. [/color:807830f13c] aab9cca60b 75535d73c4,"Open the pod bay doors, Zupiter."¶Ah, the latest in pop-up madness. Zupiter has replaced Gator as the new download-yourself bastard programme. It infiltrates itself onto your system & has its way with you without so much as buying you dinner first. The program tries to prevent you from deleting it. In addition, it tries to block the sites where you can download Ad-Aware. Even if you acquire Ad-Aware via another method, it is still unable to eliminate Zupiter. ¶ dd3f2ad817 "My passing shall be as silent as the things that creepeth in the forests and mountain caves. I have traversed in the darkness and the light trying to find my way to the end all of my path. The distance I have traveled from whence I came, one cannot behold. Much tribulation has abounded in my journeying through the darkness and I am weary. I have broken the yoke of the burden, and the staff of its shoulder, the rod of its oppressor. For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood. I come to receive comfort from the path less traveled. I desire food and raiment and a place to rest my tired soul." · cbb9173cf7 The guardŠThe guard looks at Druin and scratches his head. "Well sir, with all that eloquent talk I am sure you can do no wrong." "If you happen to need anything the inn is up the road and to the left, and the tavern is across the street from it." The guard looks at Druin a little puzzled. "If it is comfort you want, the tavern has some beautiful women for rent." The guard gives you a sly smile and moves aside from the gate. d40da89728 Guild ideas 454a555aaa Discounts |
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